By Dianne Lee
I worked as a nurse in England during 1981. The Agency introduced me to hospitals in London and home care in the outer boroughs. Working in multiple places across a new city is fascinating and exhausting. When a position came up in a private apartment in central London, I jumped at it. My client Edna was 96 and needed assistance to get out of bed. She had been hospitalized a few times with a range of complications from falls and ailments. Her husband George died more than a decade earlier. Edna’s two sons decided to employ three nurses a day to assist their mother as she was reluctant to move into a nursing home.
My shift was 930 pm until 7 am six nights a week. One of Edna’s sons stayed over on the seventh night. Edna was usually in bed when I arrived, watching TV. We would chat about her life in England, her husband, sons, grandchildren and her new great grandchild. I looked through every photo album many times, which triggered stories about the past. Edna was a reserved woman who spoke mainly about others and rarely about herself. She had worked in the family’s haberdashery store and enjoyed making clothes for anyone who asked.
Edna had a few health issues including angina and asthma. After chatting for an hour or so, Edna would settle down for the night with medication, hot chocolate and a trip to the bathroom. The nights were peaceful and slow. Occasionally Edna would ring the bedside bell and I’d assist her to the toilet and refill her water glass. Edna’s cat, Teddy, spent the night on the couch with me, the bed with Edna, or running around in crazy circles at 3am.
On the Saturday of my fourth week, Edna was excited when I arrived. It was the night of the Eurovision song contest and she wanted me to watch it with her. The program had already started. I’d never seen the show before and found it engaging and a bit strange. The setting was Dublin where I’d recently travelled. Edna had never been to Ireland, so we talked about the country and the people. The winner of Eurovision that year was an English group called Bucks Fizz. They sang a catchy tune called ‘Making Your Mind Up’. I remember them dancing, smiling and looking wholesome. I also remember the two males smoothly and deftly removing their female co singers’ skirts to reveal minis during the song.
Edna enjoyed the program and wanted to stay up and sing her favourite songs,
‘I Wonder Who’s Kissing Her Now’ and ‘Let Me Call you Sweetheart’.
Edna seemed different, more animated and carefree. She talked about dancing with George during their life together. George played piano and sang. She recalled happy times, and difficult, sad times during both world wars. After a couple of hours reminiscing, Edna began to cry. I held her hand and she told me that she didn’t want to keep going.
‘ I want to be with George’.
I assessed whether Edna was depressed but there was no evidence. She had no plan to harm herself. It was as if she was being drawn to the other side by memories and love. We talked a lot about death and Edna’s beliefs. She didn’t understand the concept of God but felt that the spirits of people you loved would be there to meet you. Edna was a little afraid of death,
‘It’s a mystery. How will it happen? I hope I go quickly. No more hospitals, fuss, pain.’
Edna asked for a hug which she had never done before. It was long and full. I said I wished her a pleasant sleep and peaceful transition when the time came. She smiled and nodded. Edna didn’t rouse during the night and was still asleep when I left in the morning. I told the day nurse that Edna had had a late night, and was reminiscing about George, while reflecting on themes of life and death.
Sunday was my night off, so I only slept until midday. I woke smiling, thinking of Edna and our musical evening.
When the call came at 7.30 pm, I wasn’t surprised. Edna’s sons and families had visited for lunch. Around 4 pm, Edna hugged and kissed them saying she needed a nap before dinner. When the nurse checked Edna at 6, she had passed away. Peacefully in her sleep.
Edna had left me a thank you card and a photo of George playing piano with Edna by his side.
“You gotta speed it up, and then you gotta slow it down-
Coz if you believe that our love can hit the top you gotta play around.
But soon you will find that there comes a time,
For making your mind up.
Don’t let your indecision take you from behind
Trust your inner vision, don’t let others change your mind.
And then you can show what you think you know-
You’re making your mind up”.
Bucks Fizz 1981
Dianne Lee