By Barry Garner
For six weeks I’ve been making one cup of cofee in the morning. Each day it’s been a reminder that Carolyn, the woman I love, is on the other side of the world. People say you shouldn’t drink alcohol on your own, I reckon the same goes for morning coffee. There’s something really lonely about a coffee and a fag for one. In fact, a morning coffee by myself makes me melancholy. Like I said, she’s been gone nearly six weeks, that’s almost forty-two morning cuppas. Forty-two times it’s been coffee for one, and listening to predictable morning radio.
I miss her most in the mornings. Miss seeing her come alive over the edge of her coffee cup. She’s beautiful in the mornings. Her long blonde hair catches the light where we sit on the back veranda. We don’t talk that much; we don’t have to really, we’re just happy to be together. We’ve been married almost eight years now. But each morning, each day is like a gift. Each day another chance to be together and share the simple things-the kids, the cats, a walk.
While she’s been away I’ve mssed saying to her, ‘What’s on the agenda?’ Even when I know what the answer is. Apart from my four hours of work each week, we’re together. The rest of the time we just make time. We walk down to Sunbury and buy the same things from the same shops. It’s familiar. It’s comfortable. It’s everything I never dreamed I would find. It’s love.
Neither of us has to try, but we try all the same. We make up silly poems. Change the words to classic rock songs and sing the jingles of TV commercials. Probably doesn’t sound that funny, but then I guess you’ve got to be there. Oh, and I almost forgot, while we’re cooking tea, we dance in the kitchen. One day when we’ve got the money we’re going to go to dancing classes. We love to dance.
While she’s been away, I’ve struggled in lots of ways. As I’ve got older, my tremor has got a lot worse. My speech when I’m nervous is harder to control, and both things have taken a toll on my self-image. Carolyn is my confidence. She always seems to know when to do the talking for me or, alternatively, when to give me a gentle push. She makes me feel whole, she makes me feel cared for. She makes me feel handsome, something I’d never felt before I met her.
Carolyn arrives home Friday morning, so Saturday, I’ll be making an extra cup of coffee. Two cups, two people back together again. The two of us on the veranda sipping coffee and smoking cigarettes. I don’t know what we’ll talk about and really it doesn’t matter. Just being there together, will be enough.
Barry Garner